True Friendships Last Through All Seasons
Over the last few years my life has been really rocky. I haven’t been able to find a really stable ground in a long time. I looked at my faith. I looked at my relationships, whether that is friendships, family or otherwise. I looked at my life. I looked for a purpose. Since both of my kids are in school all day, it’s difficult for me. I mean I take care of the house and dinners, laundry, cleaning, errands, etc, but it’s not the same.
Last night I invited our friends over for dinner. When we are together, things are carefree. It’s a nice break, a balance. I truly needed it. I didn’t imagine that it would lead into the discussion that it did and I didn’t realize how VERY much I needed to have that conversation, with someone, someone that cared. For the last few months I feel like I’ve been living in a clouded world. There have been things going on that I have not spoke about. My husband is aware, but beyond that, I have no mentioned any of this to others. It’s a personal matter for me and I kept it at that. I’m at a cross road and I feel like I really needed to be able to let go. My problem was that I can’t let go or talk about it when no one can understand.
This is all in regards to my ankle. My ankle that has been left to just hang out and be a sore spot (literally) from the accident. It’s my daily reminder. My reminder to buckle up. My reminder that you are NOT in control of you life, God is. I’ve been fighting with the orthopedic surgeons and I can’t seem to get any answers. No one wants to fix it, they think it’s as fixed at it every will be. The problem is that with each new day becomes more and more pain. This pain has gotten to the point that no amount of medicine will take it down.. even a small notch! While I don’t want to go into my medication regimen here, I do take multiple medications that should help with SOMETHING.
As I put dinner in the oven and set that timer for 45 minutes, I walked into my bedroom and then back into the kitchen where my friend, Liz, was sitting. I folded.
“I have to tell you something. I need to come clean about this.”
I told her that on October 9th I was headed to Milwaukee to see a top orthopedic surgeon. I had to prepare myself – best case vs worse case. I told her what I’ve been dealing with and what the doctors here tell me. She was crushed and you could tell. She could fathom the answers. Every question I had thought and already asked were the questions she was asking. There HAS to be a solution. This cannot be the end of it. I have fought too long and too hard for this result.
We both cried. She hugged me and I just cried. For a moment it was such a relief. The heaviness of it all was gone. I felt like someone was on my side (yes, I am back in tears as I write this). We both have faith. We both hope this faith will be the answer I need, the miracle I am so desperate to find. This moment, this single moments was one of those I will never forget. I will never let go of. Ever.
There have been ups and downs in our friendship, but the truth is, there is in ALL friendships. There are good times, there are bad times. We are human, we are not perfect. We love hard and we always care. For that I am grateful. What was a friendly dinner was the biggest release for me since this all happened. Without it would the burden have been too much?
Liz, I love you for you. I love you for being there for me. I love you for caring and for accepting me as I am. I love you for your continued friendship, your faith, your prayers for me. This path, this road, it was paved and all we can do is walk it. Thank you for everything. Your friendship is unique and one of a kind, but it’s worth so much. I cherish it all. Love always, B
P.S. – My butt will always be bigger, you just have to accept that. ;)
Never doubt a friendship. I can tell you whole heartily that there are going to be rough patches not only in friendships, but in life. These are obstacles and challenges that we face that shape us into who we are and give us character that only we have. I think this also carries over from friendships into all those relationships that you have. Not just with friends, but with family, co-workers, neighbors, etc. You never know when you will be that blessing that someone needs. Every single day I get up and all I want to really do is curl up and hide forever, but I get up.. I get up because I never know what today will bring. It’s a blessing and I have to carry the day out. I have to carry out my purpose of that day.. whatever that purpose is. Some days I never know what it is, other days it’s clear.. But what is more clear is that I do not walk alone.