Depression: It Is Real

Depression, Help, Depression Help, Mental Health, Mental Health Help
Today has been a day that I think most people found to be pretty shocking. I have to say myself, when I read the news, it was nothing more then sheer shock. In the event you have not heard.. Robin Williams left the world today. He was an amazing spirit, comedian, actor and so much more. This post.. this post is about so much more than that. This post is about the evil and ugly thing called Depression.

Many people look at depression and think that it’s not real, or that people with depression should just be happy. It’s not that easy. You can have a very funny sense of humor. You can be loved by millions or by few. You can have no friends or millions of friends. You can have everything you want and then some.. or you can have nothing. None of that matters. Depression is very very real and it’s victims come from all walks of life. They can appear happy and be incredibly unhappy.

For years I suffered with depression. The first time was about a year after my first child was born. I was thrilled to have a beautiful, healthy, happy baby girl. I was thrilled to be planning a wedding to marry my best friend. Still there was this thing. I wanted to feel happy. I truly wanted to, but something inside me was dark and it was pushing to the surface. No matter what I did I was engulfed in this darkness and it would find it’s way into my happiness. I would smile and laugh through it in front of people, but deep inside I knew. I talked to my doctor and they gave me anti-depressants, but they never followed up. At some point I stopped taking them. No one knew and no one cared. The doctor never asked why I wasn’t calling for refills. I *thought* in my heart the depression was gone. I went on to have another child. Shortly after I had him I lost a very important role model in my life and I felt that darkness. I also had a very sick child that no matter what I did, the doctors refused to take note of the seriousness. It killed me that my child never slept.. He’d lost 2.5 pounds of his small birth weight of 7 pounds 7 ounces. He was down to 5 pounds 1 ounce and I decided I couldn’t watch this. He was going to be in serious distress. Nothing he ate stayed in his stomach. I took him to Children’s Hospital and while we eventually fired things out, emotionally that took a deep toll on me. Not knowing how to help my child was probably a very dark time in my life. I wanted to take his place. I was so afraid. I couldn’t lose my baby after this other traumatic loss. The depression grew deeper and deeper. I began to talk to the doctor about it again and was given the same anti-depressant I was on the first round. Part of the reason I stopped the medication was because I felt it wasn’t working. I’d told the doctor a few times, but he really didn’t seem to put too much thought in to it.. so neither did I.

depression

That was 10 years ago. Since then, we’ve had out big accident, in which I suffered from PTSD and so much more. Depression engulfs me from time to time. It’s not every day, but it’s often enough. It’s hard. Depression is ugly. It really is. If you’ve never dealt with it, you can’t quite understand. You may think some of what I said above. I have so much to be happy about, how can I be sad. It doesn’t work like that. Depression is hard wired. It’s not because of something I have or don’t have. I go through periods were I am fine and then I go through periods that I feel the need to step back and look for a way to take control. I recently again stopped medication because I just don’t feel like it works. I think I need a new doctor, one who has a different outlook on the picture. I need to do that. I need to do it soon. Depression is very real. Depression can make you irrational and in a moment you can do something that is forever irreversible. Depression can cause death. 

Please reach out. If you have depression, reach out to someone.. find someone who can relate. There are SO many people out there that CAN relate. I can relate. I would rather spend an hour talking to a sheer stranger then find out that depression won over yet again. I’ll close with one of my favorite Robin Williams quotes in his honor:

You’re only given one little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.
– Robin Williams

Your spark is your light. It reminds you that you are not alone. Stay strong!

Comments

33 Responses to “Depression: It Is Real”

  1. August 13, 2014 at 12:18 am

    Depression is not the “four” letter word that it once was. The more that those of us who experience it share our feeling and information concerning it the more others will see it for what it is. An illness that can be lived with.

  2. August 13, 2014 at 6:45 am

    Thank you for sharing your story! Depression is a real thing and I wish more doctors would take it seriously and help the patients get the help they really need.

  3. August 13, 2014 at 10:40 am

    I think so many people do suffer in silence and many are scared of what others will think of them. I think Robin Williams has shown that it isn’t something you just get over. Thanks for sharing your story.

  4. August 13, 2014 at 4:16 pm

    This is so good of you. To open your heart and share your story–that’s how we beat it, to know we’re not alone in the darkness, someone else has felt this way too. Thanks and god bless.

  5. August 14, 2014 at 7:06 am

    I suffered from PPD with my second child I think it was environmental though and I eventually beat it. Thankfully, with my 3rd I haven’t experienced anything like I had before. So many people suffer in silence because they aren’t even sure what is happening or they are afraid of what others may think. It’s so sad

  6. Elizabeth@ Food Ramblings
    August 14, 2014 at 8:48 am

    Wonderful post- thanks for sharing your story!

  7. August 14, 2014 at 9:06 am

    Depression is scary and real – and not uncommon. I have several people close to me who are on medications to help with depression. I’m glad that they sought the help they obviously needed – and I’m glad you’re able to share your story.

  8. August 14, 2014 at 10:32 am

    Thanks for sharing! Depression is REAL and I hate that it isn’t talked about more.

  9. August 14, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. It had to be scary but I’m sure now you feel some relief about putting it out there. I hope many people who suffer with depression find your post and that it helps them to realize they are NOT alone. I have family who suffers – some are medicated, and some can’t afford the medication. It’s a sad thing, but putting one foot in front of the other and never losing that “spark of madness” — as Robin Williams put it — is crucial!

  10. August 14, 2014 at 2:08 pm

    Good post. Sad how depression attack anyone. Even worse that it leads people to make choices like Robin.

  11. August 14, 2014 at 5:00 pm

    I debated about writing a piece on Robin Williams. He was a huge influence in my life and as I battled my own severe depression and other mental health disorders I often admired him for being able to discuss with the world he battled addiction and darkness. The world is a lot less funny these days.

  12. August 14, 2014 at 5:35 pm

    Thank you for opening up! I love that Robin Williams quote at the end!

  13. August 14, 2014 at 6:19 pm

    Depression is a disease that will consume you if you focus on yourself. Therapists should teach people suffering from depression to focus on the needs of other people, because that often shifts the focus away from their problems and gets them into social settings and having others around. That way they are not isolated and have time to feel sorry for themselves. Instead medications are handed out like candy and that is not always the solution. Sure, medications may be necessary, but the “ONE SIZE FITS ALL” treatment that doctors are so quick to give is what pushes people further into depression. I know my thoughts aren’t popular and I don’t mean to be insensitive, but a great man like Robin Williams should have known his worth – his worth to God and to the people whose lives he touched in such positive ways. He shouldn’t have spiraled so far into depression to the point of suicide. I think it’s time we speak up against the over-medicating of people with depression.

  14. August 14, 2014 at 6:39 pm

    Depression is real and serious! Some people have a hard time understanding this since it isn’t something they can see physically.

  15. August 14, 2014 at 8:18 pm

    Depression is most definitely a real thing. It’s sad how many people go through it. I still can’t believe Robin Williams is gone. :(

  16. August 14, 2014 at 9:22 pm

    I suffer from depression and have for the past 16 years. While I can never imagine actually getting to the point of killing myself, I can understand the hopelessness and lack of desire to do anything. When you’re depressed it feels like life is a battle. I hate that we lost such an amazing man. :(

  17. August 14, 2014 at 9:33 pm

    Depression is very real. I can attest to that first hand. I think people are getting better at accepting it as a real, debilitating illness…but there are still so many that figure ‘snapping out of it’ is the way to treat it.

  18. August 15, 2014 at 5:47 am

    There really seems to be a large portion of the population suffering and not speaking out. I’m glad that’s starting to change and people are voicing it, and maybe helping others too, in doing so.

  19. August 15, 2014 at 6:12 am

    That Robin Williams quote is a little heartbreaking right now. Thanks for this post- maybe it will help someone who needs to reach out.

  20. Amy D
    August 15, 2014 at 6:20 am

    I hate depression! It almost took the lives of three of my siblings. It is real and totally not fun at all!!!

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