Depression: It Is Real

Depression, Help, Depression Help, Mental Health, Mental Health Help
Today has been a day that I think most people found to be pretty shocking. I have to say myself, when I read the news, it was nothing more then sheer shock. In the event you have not heard.. Robin Williams left the world today. He was an amazing spirit, comedian, actor and so much more. This post.. this post is about so much more than that. This post is about the evil and ugly thing called Depression.

Many people look at depression and think that it’s not real, or that people with depression should just be happy. It’s not that easy. You can have a very funny sense of humor. You can be loved by millions or by few. You can have no friends or millions of friends. You can have everything you want and then some.. or you can have nothing. None of that matters. Depression is very very real and it’s victims come from all walks of life. They can appear happy and be incredibly unhappy.

For years I suffered with depression. The first time was about a year after my first child was born. I was thrilled to have a beautiful, healthy, happy baby girl. I was thrilled to be planning a wedding to marry my best friend. Still there was this thing. I wanted to feel happy. I truly wanted to, but something inside me was dark and it was pushing to the surface. No matter what I did I was engulfed in this darkness and it would find it’s way into my happiness. I would smile and laugh through it in front of people, but deep inside I knew. I talked to my doctor and they gave me anti-depressants, but they never followed up. At some point I stopped taking them. No one knew and no one cared. The doctor never asked why I wasn’t calling for refills. I *thought* in my heart the depression was gone. I went on to have another child. Shortly after I had him I lost a very important role model in my life and I felt that darkness. I also had a very sick child that no matter what I did, the doctors refused to take note of the seriousness. It killed me that my child never slept.. He’d lost 2.5 pounds of his small birth weight of 7 pounds 7 ounces. He was down to 5 pounds 1 ounce and I decided I couldn’t watch this. He was going to be in serious distress. Nothing he ate stayed in his stomach. I took him to Children’s Hospital and while we eventually fired things out, emotionally that took a deep toll on me. Not knowing how to help my child was probably a very dark time in my life. I wanted to take his place. I was so afraid. I couldn’t lose my baby after this other traumatic loss. The depression grew deeper and deeper. I began to talk to the doctor about it again and was given the same anti-depressant I was on the first round. Part of the reason I stopped the medication was because I felt it wasn’t working. I’d told the doctor a few times, but he really didn’t seem to put too much thought in to it.. so neither did I.

depression

That was 10 years ago. Since then, we’ve had out big accident, in which I suffered from PTSD and so much more. Depression engulfs me from time to time. It’s not every day, but it’s often enough. It’s hard. Depression is ugly. It really is. If you’ve never dealt with it, you can’t quite understand. You may think some of what I said above. I have so much to be happy about, how can I be sad. It doesn’t work like that. Depression is hard wired. It’s not because of something I have or don’t have. I go through periods were I am fine and then I go through periods that I feel the need to step back and look for a way to take control. I recently again stopped medication because I just don’t feel like it works. I think I need a new doctor, one who has a different outlook on the picture. I need to do that. I need to do it soon. Depression is very real. Depression can make you irrational and in a moment you can do something that is forever irreversible. Depression can cause death. 

Please reach out. If you have depression, reach out to someone.. find someone who can relate. There are SO many people out there that CAN relate. I can relate. I would rather spend an hour talking to a sheer stranger then find out that depression won over yet again. I’ll close with one of my favorite Robin Williams quotes in his honor:

You’re only given one little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.
– Robin Williams

Your spark is your light. It reminds you that you are not alone. Stay strong!

Comments

33 Responses to “Depression: It Is Real”

  1. August 15, 2014 at 6:52 am

    I have hope that in his death, more people will become aware of this serious disease. Thanks for sharing

  2. Angela S
    August 15, 2014 at 9:17 am

    Robin Williams death was shocking. I hope his friends and family can find some some comfort in knowing the great awareness his tragedy brought to depression.

  3. Lisa
    August 15, 2014 at 11:46 am

    It is real and it has been in my life for almost 15 years. Thank you for sharing this post.

  4. August 15, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    This is such a timely post and so important. So many struggle with this and it is nice that you are giving a space to share about it.

  5. August 15, 2014 at 2:52 pm

    I respect this post a lot because it raises awareness over something that I don’t think is taken as seriously as it should be. Thanks for the lovely post!

  6. August 15, 2014 at 3:13 pm

    I’m still in shock over his death. It is something that affects the people you wouldn’t think.

  7. August 15, 2014 at 3:17 pm

    It’s so important to talk about it, to let people know whats going on and to have that support system.

  8. katrina g
    August 15, 2014 at 5:27 pm

    I’m so upset that he died and didn’t think that the there was anything left. depression is serious and i wish more people talked more seriously about it and not just when something trajic like this happens

  9. Brett
    August 15, 2014 at 7:21 pm

    I also agree that depression is real. I hope you can find something that works for you.

  10. August 15, 2014 at 9:18 pm

    Depression is a real disease and a real problem. It is good that you are sharing your story. The more stories are shared, the more people will get help.

  11. August 16, 2014 at 9:57 am

    As someone who has depression I had a hard time watching and listening to all the media coverage. It was making mine worse.

  12. August 17, 2014 at 12:33 am

    This is a great post. I too suffered from depression and am so thankful for the friends and family who recognized it and reached out to help pull me out of it. Thanks for sharing.

  13. October 14, 2014 at 10:36 pm

    No matter if some one searches for his necessary thing, thus
    he/she needs to be available that in detail, therefore that thing is maintained over here.

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